


Loud memories

by Elhevan



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-15 05:58:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18067874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elhevan/pseuds/Elhevan
Summary: Many thanks to the best person ever aka kaixo





	Loud memories

_My friends call, they check on me,  
My smile lies to them, nothing is as it used to be_

Kevin smiled at the good luck text which flashed on his screen.

It was little messages like that helped him go through his loan spell with confidence, and helped him keep his korean in shape. Hesitant, he started to type a few words in reply but soon had to switch back to English in order to finish his text before having to exit the bus. Ever since Sonny had won the Asian games he would send him short messages before every game. He had said receiving some surely helped him win back then. Kevin just hoped that his texts proved magic- not Ben’s- or he would have to ask him for the same treatment and he wasn’t quite sure about that. 

Not that it would matter anyway, Kevin sighed, he knew he wasn’t starting today. He still had more play time than at Stoke, and definitely more than at Spurs but deep down he was starting to wonder if all of this was worth it. Was Davinson that much better than him? Was Foyth? Soon he entered the stadium and left all his thoughts at the door to focus on football, knowing damned well that he would pick them up again on his way back home.

_I pretend, in the middle of the crowd,  
I sing, I dance but when night time comes,  
Your absence and your smile are too loud, I can’t sleep_

The atmosphere in the locker room was now louder than ever, they had won. To you it might not mean much but to them it was rare enough to be noted. Sure the other team got a red card eleven minutes in. Sure Nürnberg was like _the only team worse than theirs_ , but it still meant three points. With them being this close to relegation it meant the world . He glanced at his phone, hoping to see a congratulations text -he may have not started but still played more than half of the game- but no such thing came in, and his heart squeezed as if in a clutched, sweaty fist. Did he watch? Did he not?

The songs around him brought him back to Germany, to now, in the locker room, and Kevin joined in. He might only be here on loan, but this relegation fight was important to him too; last season Stoke got demoted and he didn’t want to be on another sinking ship, he had to save Hannover. At at this point in time it was a matter of personal pride. 

_We think of you, we cry sometimes,  
We wonder why but that how life goes_

Son flashed his famous smile at Spurs TV on his way back from training. No matter how rainy his day was he would give them a smile, knowing how many fans he had, looking for that exact smile to brighten their day. So he smiled that day, despite everything that had happened he smiled. But what happened anyway? Not much really.

It all started when he saw Ryan earlier that day, post his accident and with his coaching responsibilities he had came back to Tottenham way sooner than expected. Every time Sonny saw him it reminded him of every player who left. The media wasn’t always wrong when they pictured Spurs as a team full of mates, of course not everyone went on vacation together but they all had some friends in the team and every time one left, the locker room felt empty for a while afterwards. The latest wound now being Dembélé’s departure. He left, on good terms at least but the Belgians in the team sure missed him. 

China… Stoke already felt far enough and he was glad he didn’t have to take time zones into consideration when chatting. His smile felt more natural as he sat at the table they used to share. Maybe he’d come back someday, but hopefully not for the reasons Ryan did.

_You wanted us to be strong, you wanted us to be happy,  
So I work out harder, I do my best,  
But at night your memory’s too loud, I can’t sleep_

Son turned on the lights as he came home, he wasn’t used to doing that, wasn’t used to cooking his dinner either, but with his parents away for the week he had to get to it. A yawn escaped his mouth as he fell on the couch. He turned the TV on, mindlessly playing with the remote until a game showed up on the screen, only letting it on long enough to see that the one he was looking for wasn’t playing today.

His smile was nowhere to be found as he thought of him, _feeling alone?_ That was something he was used to. If it weren’t for everyone around him he would have probably drowned himself in sorrows. No. He turned the TV off and got up to get his dinner. His parents weren’t the reason he kept going, neither were his friends. No matter how much his absence hurt him, it was also what helped him smile, well his memory did at least.

_But on insomnia's platform, every train leads me to him, so just like every other night..._

Kevin couldn’t stop turning over and over in his bed, despite the two layers of sheets he felt cold. Cold inside sadly. As he tried his best to clear his mind and keep his eyes shut he braced himself for another sleepless night, dreading the moment when his alarm would remind him that his life had to go on.

Son was now staring at a spot on the ceiling, he always thought it looked like Austria and every time he voiced that opinion he would get a small kick in the ribs, whispering he tried doing that again tonight but no one was here to tell him how stupid he was. He closed his eyes for the tenth time tonight. At some point it would work.

" _I can’t sleep._ " It wasn’t a good idea to get his phone, to tap out the message. He knew it wasn’t, but it was like that every night.  
“ _Me neither._ ”  
Every single night.


End file.
